i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
