remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
