My hair reeks of homosexuality.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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