Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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