I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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