I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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