we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
