coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
