i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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