once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
