Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
