areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
