He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
