man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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