we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
