we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
