And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
