I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
