My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
