no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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