Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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