Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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