haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
