Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
