I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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