Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
