This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
