so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
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