Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ladies don't puke and tell
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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