Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
