'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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