i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
this just has baby written all over it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
wow bdsm is so cute
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
