Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
