thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
