and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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