Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
