I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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