hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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