Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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