i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We don't watch enough power rangers
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
