Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
