I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
being pregnant is like rehab
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
