Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
