Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
