omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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