Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
