I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
