remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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