Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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