I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
In America we eat man semen.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
