this beer tastes like vomit already
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
